thegits: today while running a participant for a study I said “I need to place this sensor on your cervix.” I meant “clavicle.” He was not amused. BUT EVERYONE IN THE CONTROL ROOM WAS.
When someone's excuse for not getting laid is that...
dicksoclock: oh god so earlier today my dad and i came back from grocery shopping and we were putting everything away and he pulls my a box of my tampons out of the bag and turns to me and says “where do these go?” and there was kind of this awkward moment of silence before i went “…my vagina” and then he kind of just fell over and nearly cried and was like “WHICH CUPBOARD ASDGHJ”
the-privateer: joshsux: Microsoft thinks 1 billion next gen consoles will be sold That is so ridiculous this gen didn’t even sell 300 million I’m predicting the numbers are gonna be even less than this gen because Wii u isn’t gonna sell as many as Wii which has sold 100 million and I don’t see Xbox one doing nearly as well ps4 I have high hopes for but 1 billion all together? Not even...
ghostgif: 98% of divorces are caused by Mario Party
vexarion: ifyoucarryonthisway: i need a job where i work one hour a week and i get paid a thousand dollars a minute
i-ran-over-oprah: how many number 1 rules of tumblr are there even
strifeandslash: safe sex is for losers (takes off knee pads and helmet)
wartortles: *holding phone in hand* where the fuck is my phone
gingahhh: mrcraabs: pokemon has taught me to paralyze things i like and want to keep or kill
nickandstuff: exp0rted: we all have that one follower who we want to sexually destroy or be destroyed by
joshsux: Do you ever just jiggle your butt
todreamanew: arsludicra: confusedastronaut: omg i’m laughing so hard he’s like a beast man and then he turns into a cupcake This man. *o* omg
tvaros: i love watching my innocent friends slowly transform into beautiful horny butterflies as we get older
i try not to sound like an asshole but it’s really hard because i am an asshole
trying to argue with someone over text is like being italian and having to talk with handcuffs on
itslarsyouguys: QUICK SOMEONE CUDDLE ME MAKE IT GOOD
so we were talking about children in class today...
Me: I'm never gonna have children.
Teacher: of course you will.
Me: No, trust me, I WON'T.
Teacher: when you are older, you'll change your mind.
Me: No I won't because, thank God, men cannot get pregnant.
joshsux: when youre watching a really good porno but the sound is off by a second
What tumblr has done to me
Sees Porn: no reaction
coochiejuice: Sometimes you just gotta spank your own ass and be like “oooh”
pizza: katherlne: can tumblr user pizza stop commenting on every post involving pizza tho yeah wtf how annoying is it
irresponsibleeyouth: The trick is to not let people know how really weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.